To be honest, one of the fears I battle most as we begin this journey is the question, “How will it all fit?” Being a momma of four has enough responsibilities in itself to fill a day…to fill a year…and then some. My mind begins to wander down the dark road of worry as I try to plan, to control, to understand so that I don’t have to fully trust. My thoughts continue straight past the “danger” and “keep out” signs that I have learned to place along this road of trying to figure it all out. I analyze and conjecture and theorize what it all might look like, how I can manage being wife, mom to four, housekeeper, laundry maintainer, dinner-maker, writer- story teller and policy writer, teacher, friend, sister, daughter. And the more I think, the more I am overwhelmed. The more the weight of it all begins to crush me. It doesn’t make sense how all of this will fit. It doesn’t make sense in my mind how the pieces of the puzzle will come together.
And then I remember Jesus’s words, “each day has enough trouble of its own; your Heavenly Father knows you need all these things.” And I realize that this path I’m called to walk, this journey our family is invited to partake in, is not one of figuring out. It’s not one of planning and understanding and controlling. It is one of faith. It’s a journey that is taken one step at a time, not trusting my own well-laid plans to a destination I know, but rather trusting the One whose hand leads me to a place greater than I would ever know how to get to on my own. I realize that I don’t have all the pieces yet, no wonder the puzzle isn’t fitting together.
I call my thoughts back from the dark and windy, twisted and dangerous road of analyzing and planning and worry, lured by the false promises of control and safety, and I take them captive, making them obedient to Christ and the peace that He offers. I remember His call to this journey and I plant my feet firmly on His true and faithful promise to provide everything we need for the road He calls us to walk. I fight off the urge to know, to understand, to plan. I determine to take in the fullness of the moment now with my full attention, taking the step that He has set before me today and has given me the resources to take today. And I leave the rest to Him. I let His peace and strength and promise fill the place where the fear and worry were feasting.
And just as quickly as I abandon the questions and worry and control, joy begins to seep in and fills my heart for the journey ahead. Because I know that just as He has given me what I’ve needed for every step so far, just as He is giving me today all that I need for the moment, He will also give me all that I need for what’s ahead. And where He leads is exactly where I want to be…